Forgive

I heard Dr. Edward Hallowell speak at the Chautauqua Institute several years ago. His book Dare to Forgive offers helpful advice on the art of forgiveness. For example, he suggests that we respond to annoying or irritating people as if they are mosquitoes. Mosquitoes are annoying, but they are no big deal. Put on some insect repellent and go on with life.

The big insight I got from this book is how forgiveness involves grief. Think about it--when we forgive someone we lose something. We lose the opportunity to get revenge. We have to give that up. And any time we lose something significant, there is grief. Forgiveness, therefore, involves grief. To put it another way: when we forgive, we are letting go of the hope that the past will be different.

Dr. Hallowell reminds us that the great commandment from Leviticus to 'love your neighbor as yourself' is an anti-revenge commandment. The whole verse reads: "You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against any of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself." Forgiveness leaves vengeance to God. God is the judge; we are not.

By forgiving others (and ourselves) we build bridges between people and bring people together. That's what the world needs. And that is what Jesus teaches us to do.

[photo taken by me at Chautauqua]