de-filed

Yesterday I had a difficult task. I took boxes full of files from my work
and went through them--deciding which ones to throw away and
which ones to keep.

Those boxes of files represent much of my work as a pastor
over the last 40 years.
There were boxes and boxes of sermons.
Folders of items I've clipped out of newspapers,
magazines, newsletters, and other sources.
There were folders of pages I have copied
or ripped out of books.
(I only rip pages out of books I own.)
There were boxes full of files about baptisms
and confirmations and communions.

I went through files of articles I've written over the years.
I looked through file upon file containing materials I have
written or borrowed dealing with Bible studies,
church history, Appreciative Inquiry, Rational Emotive Therapy,
the writings of Paul, the book of Revelation, Islam,
Feminism, Homosexuality, prayer, meditation, systems theory,
principles of interim ministry, etc.

And there were records of sermons preached, people visited,
contracts signed, meetings attended.
And many files on worship--files for each liturgical season,
files for litanies, sacraments, special worship services,
files for weddings and funerals.

Somehow I saw these boxes of files as my life passing before my eyes.
Each file represents study and work and performance.

Probably the most important of the dozens and dozens of files
are the two or three that contain the record of my pastoral visits
and weddings and funerals.
Those are the files that indicate people I have touched through my ministry.
I hold those files in my hand and I can feel the hands of the hundreds of people
I have prayed with and for...the hundreds of people that I have taken by the hand
and supported during crises.
That's what it's all about.

It was hard, but it had to be done.
I threw away box loads.
I kept some for possible pastoral work in the future.
Of course you know that the one file you throw away,
thinking, "I'll never use this again," is the very one you will need.

Letting go is hard.
Letting go of 'stuff' that represents your work
is particularly hard.
But isn't life a series one 'letting go' after another?

When we read the gospels with this in mind,
we see Jesus at every turn asking people to let go of something.
It may not be a material thing; it may be letting go of pride or fear.

The open hand, the open heart--following Jesus.

Now I have fewer files; and they are reboxed to move.
Some day I'll open them up and say: I didn't need them after all.
And I'll throw all of them away.