I’m not angry!!!

On Feb. 18 Joseph Stack flew his plane into an IRS building in Austin, Texas. He was mad at the IRS. On Feb. 12 Amy Bishop took a pistol and killed three professors at the University of Alabama in Huntsville. She was mad at the faculty for not giving her tenure.

People get mad every day. Most do not let their anger drive them to murder. But some do. I wonder if Joseph and Amy had tried to talk over their frustration and anger with trusted friends. Maybe they had. But people who hold in their anger and do not talk about it are much more likely to explode in violence.

St. Paul gave wise advice in his letter to the Ephesians. He said, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." If all of us would follow that advice we would be the better for it. If we would recognize and identify our angry feelings, and then report them to a good friend, our feelings wouldn't control us—we would control them.

Anger is a natural human emotion. There is nothing wrong with anger. At least in the beginning. But if we allow anger to sit there inside us without dealing with it, the anger becomes toxic. Paul was right: anger is best dealt with immediately.

You know why some people don't deal with their anger? Because they have been brought up in a Christian context that has taught them that anger is sinful. Therefore, they deny their anger. They are ashamed to even admit that they are angry. "Who me? Angry? No, I'm not angry."

Unrecognized anger can lead to violence. The best way to handle anger is to recognize it and look at it with curiosity: Hmmm…I feel some anger in me…I wonder what that's all about. I think I'll talk this out with my friend.

Anger can be our friend—because it can be a red flag waving in our psyche, inviting us to stop and look at what is going on within us or in a relationship. It can guide us to learn something new about ourselves.

Anger is not something to be afraid of. It is our friend. Unless we ignore it. Then it becomes our enemy.

Let's talk.