Tearing

Well, I had a good cry today. It's all getting to me. Leaving a place, a region, a network of friends and colleagues--people who know me, appreciate me, and make life fun.... Leaving a presbytery, former staff, acquaintances... Having left a career... leaving a house, a neighborhood... leaving a phase of my life... Being twice as far from my mother... farther from many relatives... Leaving good friends... Beginning a new stage in my faith journey... Moving to a small apartment...

And I'm tire. Tired of packing and figuring out what goes and what doesn't. Tired of calling companies and utilities to change addresses and being put on hold.

All the emotion finally came out in tears. I don't cry very often. I wish I cried more easily. But I hold it in. I feel better now that I've let it out. But I'm sad. Leaving is hard. Change--major change--is difficult. The great Unknown is in front of me. I'm we will be very close to Glory, Jim, and Norah. Soon that will cheer me up. But we still have two more days of packing--then the movers--then the driving in two cars (Pat with two cats--pray for her)... then the sleeping on the floor till the movers get there with our few belongings. Then adjustment. Making new friends (which is hard for me). Looking for jobs. Learning a new community. Building connections. Letting new faith unfold.

The word 'tear' (as in crying) and the word 'tear' (as in pulling something apart) are related. I feel both today.