turtle

I took this photo of a turtle at Cox Arboretum today. The little guy has his neck stuck out--and he's keeping his balance on a log.

I've gotten out of balance lately. I've been dealing with some depression for several weeks, maybe longer. Depression not only affects the mind, it affects the body. It is a disease that drains a person of vitality. No wonder I've been so fatigued.

Like that little turtle, I've been sticking my neck out a lot lately. I've been giving myself to the church nonstop. I have un-sabbathed myself. So, now I'm going to go back into a shell for a few days. I'm taking some of my remaining vacation days this Monday through Thursday; and hopefully will get a Sunday off. I need to get my balance back.

I regret that this past week I 'blew my stack' at a committee meeting. More frustration had been building up in me than I realized. And it all came out like an erupting volcano. I had been trying for a long time to be a 'nice' pastor by not saying what I was feeling, and finally I vented it all. I'm sure my manner of speaking (or shouting) and some of the content of my ranting was upsetting to some people. Actually, most of what I said was true; but venting always brings with it some distortion of the truth. It wasn't a pretty sight. But it's good every once in a while for a congregation to see the pastor's humanness.

I'm going to take care of myself. I'm going to stop working every night--either in meetings at the church--or taking stuff home to work on. I'm going to forget the church and its challenges/problems at least one or two days a week. With my doctor and my counselor I'm going to work on managing this disease. I think balance is the key.

Care-givers have to care for themselves. Ministers have to be ministered to. God is so good to accept us as we are. In the light of such grace we are able to change and be changed--to be vulnerable to each other--and open to the Spirit's healing, sanctifying power.